"Let It Snow, Baby. Let It Reindeer"

Jenn has been doing most of the blogging lately, but I've got to get this one off my chest.

It's amazing how things hit you sometimes. All Christmas (sorry Holiday) Season, we've been so busy with a hundred different things that it really hasn't felt like Christmas. Sure, we got the tree up and the lights on the house, but that feeling in your gut that accompanies this time of year just wasn't really there.

This morning, I was driving home from running some errands and a song came on the radio by a christian group named "Relient K". Now, when you hear most of their music it wouldn't strike you as something that carries a heavy message, but I've always had a special place in my heart for the lyrics written by Relient K. In their Christmas album, titled "Let It Snow, Baby. Let It Reindeer" they have a song called "I Celebrate The Day". HERE is a link to the song and the lyrics are written below.

And with this Christmas wish is missed

The point I could convey

If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life

Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve

And from a lack of my persistency

We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time

That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior

And the first breath that left Your lips

Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years

To what this midnight made so clear

That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

In the hope that what You did

That you were born so I might live

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day

That You were born to die

So I could one day pray for You to save my life

This has been a really hard year for our family. My job has been somewhat unstable, I haven't worked a 40 hour week in months. To say we've been tight financially is a gross understatement. It is so easy to get bogged down and bitter about everything we've been going through. Yet, hearing this song made me remember my little girl. She's a little more than a year old now and I was thinking back to last Christmas when I felt like we were very special, getting to have this little baby around the time that we celebrate Mary giving birth to The Savior of The World, like we were in some special club or something. Even though things have been hard, our health has been fine. We haven't lost anything or anyone, we just have had to get a little tighter.

Madalyn is sick today and we are taking her to the doctor later this afternoon and then will be heading out for our annual Christmas traveling. And I realized, this is really the first time she's ever been really sick. Like fever, can't sleep kind of sick. First time ever. I can't even begin to tell you how fortunate that makes me feel.

I love that little girl more than anything I've ever done or seen or been in my entire life. Which makes me love our God even that much more. I'm very sorry to all of you, but if I had to let my daughter die in your place, you'd all be screwed. Because I don't have that kind of love for you. But God does. He loved you so much that He allowed his ONLY SON to come down and be ridiculed, beaten, abandoned, and killed - all for people who at the very least are indifferent towards Him. Think about your own children - would you give them up to save someone like that?

In this Christmas Season, you've been told it's about Santa, it's about presents, it's about Baby Jesus. But, this year, what if it was about you? What if Christmas wasn't a season to celebrate the Jesus that we only talk to on Sundays and the occasional Wednesday? Like the song says, "From the lack of my persistency, we're less than half as close as I want to be". This Christmas, think of the sacrifice it would take for you to make the same choice that God made and realize the abundance of His love for us.

A God that will protect me at any cost, even the death of His own Son? Now, that's a God I can get behind.

Merry Christmas everyone!

First Birthday Party Fun

I am so behind on updating this blog that I'm going to have to catch it up in shifts...this time I will write about Mady's birthday party and later I will write about her actual birthday and Thanksgiving. BUT FIRST...her party.

Here's the thing...I'm kind of a closet snob. I want my kid to have the best clothes, the cutest shoes and, apparently, the best party. I wanted it to be one of those picture perfect nights where everyone came and had the best time ever. I guess I want Mady to have 'super childhood'. To accomplish this goal, I booked Mady's party at Gymboree. If you've never been there, its pretty cool. Its a whole play area made out of squooshy toys and climbing things...all for kids. When you book a party with them, they provide everything except food and invitations. There is even a person that comes to lead the party-goers in games and other fun activities. Its great! You get the most out of the party with the least amount of preparation.

So, I got off early on Friday (I work on Fridays while Michael stays home) and went to get the cookies. I love these cookies. I got them from my favorite bakery in OKC. I ordered pink and blue flowers (they matched the invitations) and they turned out perfectly! While I was there, I also bought a cupcake. It was too cute and I wanted to have something to put Mady's candle in. I can't explain why, but I almost cried when I saw the cookies and the cupcake. I can't believe Mady is a year old!!! It seems like I just blinked and she turned from a little baby who grunted like a pirate into a toddler that can point to her nose and dances like a pro. Too crazy.

When I got home, Michael and Mady were playing in the living room. While I was going to check the mail, I heard a thud and then a scream. Mady had crawled up to the window to see me and as she was reaching for the window sill, she missed it with her hands and hit it with her head. It was horrible! She had two large red spots that surrounded the place where the sill hit. Of course she would get a huge bruise on her HEAD the day of her party. I'm so glad she had enough hair to cover it up! We got Mady ready and off we went. It was perfect, Mady fell asleep on the way so she would be perfectly refreshed for the party...right?!

We went to pick up the balloons. I ordered one for every kid and and a silver 1 that was taller than Mady. As I'm trying to shove this HUGE bouquet of balloons into the car, Mady wakes up and is totally freaked out by the large shiny objects that were seemingly attacking her. She immediately started crying. Can you imagine waking up to 20 balloons in your face...it was all she could see! It would be so frightening. By the time we got to the party place, she was a little leery of this whole party idea. I don't think that she fully recovered from the balloon attack. She was in an okay mood, but she wasn't her normal perky self.

The party went well. I think everyone had a good time. Mady liked seeing everyone and some of the games she really got into. She loved bubble time but HATED the parachute. She also loved the cupcake. She really dug into it. I finally took it away when she was about to put a very large blob of icing in her mouth. The thought disgusted me so I took the rest of the cupcake away immediately.

I think her party was a success. Now, I'm worried about how we're going to top it next year.

Geez, has it been a month since I last posted something? That's dumb. I'm sorry everyone. I'm also sorry that I'm sitting down with nothing really planned for this post. I just knew I needed to write something.

Mady has been doing great lately. She is growing up SO fast. She now has three teeth. I just discovered one more this morning. It makes sense, she has been a little grumpy lately and hasn't been sleeping very well. That reminds me of something new I've discovered about myself...

When Mady was a newborn I could wake up as many times as she needed and it didn't bother me. I had an endless supply of compassion for her in the middle of the night. Somewhere along the way I have lost that midnight-compassion and it has been replaced with 'Just go back to sleep already! I'm tired!' I'm not really proud of myself but I feel like honesty is important so I'm sharing it with you. Maybe there's a young mother that will discover my blog and find comfort in knowing she's not the only mother who loves her little one but is passionate about getting more sleep. So, instead of sitting up with Mady and rocking her until she drifts peacefully back to sleep, I bring her to bed with me and Michael. NOT a good idea. Now, instead of her being awake in her room, she's laying next to poor Michael who has to get up in two hours. Mady loves her dad so much that she has a hard time leaving him alone. Usually, she punches Michael in the eye as a 'Hey dad! I'm here to play!' announcement. If she's not wanting to play, she will just flop around trying to get comfortable. Finally, usually after about an hour of trying to get her to be still, I get up, even more frustrated, and take her back to her room where she falls asleep quickly but only for a short while.

The other night, after fighting with Mady for an hour, I got up in a huff and told Michael how tired I was. He said to me, 'You know why you can't sleep? Because you keep bringing Mady to bed with you!' I wish I could report that this statement was in a loving tone, but it wasn't. I guess I say all of this to get to the conclusion: I'm ready for Mady to not be teething anymore so she (and as a result, the rest of the family) can get some good sleep.

Other new developments include Mady learning where her head is. She's been watching a Baby Einstein video that sings the 'Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes' song. Now, when she hears head, she puts both of her hands on her head. Its pretty cute. She has also developed hand signals for the song she wants you to sing. She claps her hands if she wants Patty Cake and she wiggles her fingers if she wants Itsy Bitsy Spider. I love that! She isn't walking yet...that we've seen. Heather, a frequent nursery worker at church, says that Mady has been taking one step at a time. It makes me so mad that Heather gets to see her walk! Mady has always done stuff in nursery before she does it at home. So, I quit working so I could witness all of Mady's milestones and she accomplishes them during the two hours a week that I'm not around. Great. Oh, Mady also knows 'Hi' and 'Bye'. She can't say the words but when she hears them she knows

to wave. Her wave is pretty funny, she lets her hand dangle lifelessly and just shakes her arm.

Oh! Mady's first Halloween! We had a great time. Actually, Noble and Norman did their trick or treating the day before Halloween so I forgot to put her in her costume on the actual holiday. Ooops. No big deal though, she was Pebbles for storytime and the church party on Wednesday and on Friday for a Halloween party and to pass out candy.

At the church party, we forgot the bone that I made for her hair. I ran to the resource room to try to make a stand-in. I was kind of freaking out and Michael said to me, 'Jen, she'll have a good time without the bone in her hair. Lets just go let her play.' It was then that I realized how important to ME it was that she have the bone. I put so much time working on her costume that I wanted it to be perfect. For that few moments I let myself be the baby! I figure I only have a small amount of time to get things my way before she starts giving me her opinion. I'm clinging to this time when I can pick out her outfits and do her hair how I want. Its fun and she's so beautiful...I guess I will gradually start giving that up though.

Warning... Shameless Bragging Ahead!

Nothing makes me more happy than someone gushing over my pretty little girl. You know, when you have a child you think they are the most beautiful creature God has ever created...even if they look like Elmer Fudd. Before I had Mady I was worried she would come out looking like a little old man, bald and wrinkle covered with exaggerated features. You know, when men get

older their nose and ears don't stop growing, so eventually those parts become way too big for their face. Don't pretend you don't notice when babies have the same issue...it happens.

Well, I was greatly relieved when Mady was born not only looking like a girl, but when I saw her pretty features too. Don't get me wrong, I know that some people told us how pretty she was just out of that awkward obligation you have when you meet a new baby, but as she's grown, I've noticed people going out of their way to comment on her looks. We were at Wal-Mart the other day and as we were loading Mady in her stroller a man driving by stopped his truck, rolled down his window and said, "That sure is a pretty baby!" He didn't have to do that...so that leads me to

believe that she really is pretty. Not only that, but Michael says that similar things happen to him all the time when he's out with Madalyn. One day Michael told me that 10 people stopped him at the store and commented on Mady. I'm so proud to be sharing this!

One day Mady was particularly cute so I took some pictures. Here are a couple:

I just love that kid! She also has many new things that she does to establish her cuteness. She blows raspberries, kisses cheeks, she waves (she actually knows the word wave), says 'yes' with a little lisp, and squeals when Michael tickles her (or when you sing Itsy Bitsy Spider to her...her favorite song). Yeah, she's the cutest.

Friday I was having a meltdown so I blew off work and we took Mady to the Zoo for the first time. It was lots of fun! Mady was perfect the whole time. She even left her hat on for some of trip!

Mady with a bear in the background.

We had tons of fun. Actually, it was the perfect weekend. God is so good to us.

First Tooth and Emotions

Thats right! Today Madalyn Rhea Garner got her first tooth! Its really more of a nub...its just barely sticking up out of her bottom gums. I think it was bothering her all day though. At lunch, I gave her some oranges and I noticed her trying to bite them with her new tooth. I don't know if she wanted to get some use out of the thing or if the cold oranges felt good on her sore little gums.

Today, when I discovered the nub, all I wanted to do was look at it. Mady didn't want me anywhere near her mouth. It sounds dumb, but it kind of hurt my feelings. It was like she had done this 'growing a tooth thing' by herself and kept it a secret from me. Then, when I realized what had happened, she didn't want me to be a part of it. Is that the dumbest thing you've ever heard? Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself because she is growing up so fast. If she keeps getting older this quickly, I'm afraid I won't be able to keep up. Soon she'll be making friends and having sleepovers and if it happens too fast I wont be ready! Is being a parent like everything else? Does it take practice to get it right? Is there a right? Do I have enough time to practice before I start messing things up?

I know that part of this drama comes from my discovery of my daughters personality. She's already showing me how curious and independent she is. Here's the problem: when I was little, I listened to my parents. When they told me not to do something, I figured they had a good reason so I stayed away from the situation. Michael did not learn this way. He's the type of person that had to feel the heat to know the stove was hot. I'm so worried that my little girl will get un-necessarily 'burned' because she has to find out life on her own and not listen to the protective suggestions that her loving (and experienced) parents offer. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to shelter her...and I want Mady to live her own life, but I don't want her to suffer when she doesn't have to. I don't want her to 'experience life' but have to deal with the consequences that some decisions bring.

Here's a word to future Mady: I love you. I want you to live a wonderful life that is full of music, fun, beauty and love. The only way to experience all of these wonderful things to their fullest is through a relationship with Christ and a life lead by the Holy Spirit. God created life, I'm sure He knows how its supposed to be lived. When I discipline you or try to steer you away from certain situations, its NOT because I don't want you to have fun or because I don't want you to grow up. Its because, through an imperfect life, I have learned things that, if for no other reason, I've learned but to save you from heartache and regret. I try to keep you from things so that you WILL have fun and so you CAN grow up into the person you want to be, not just the product of what you've been through. There is a difference. You can see it on people's faces. Some people's lives are a result of the ride, others drive themselves where they want to go. Oh how I want you to grow into a confident, fun-loving, sometimes crazy, beautiful Christian woman. I will try to be an example for you...but here's a secret...I think your dad might know...I'm not perfect. I'm not always going to have the answers or be the example you want or need. Please forgive me for my shortcomings. I pray that you will look to God as your ultimate example and will live a life that is sensitive to the Holy Spirit. And that God will use your energy and curiosity to further your relationship with Him and your witness for Him. Oh, one more thing, you can tell me anything. I want to be a part of your life! No matter what, I'm here to love and help you. You are the most fascinating person to me.

Oh, how I wish I could spare Madalyn from some things...like Jr. High. Nothing good ever happens in Jr. High and everyone dresses in a way that they will regret, and hair is always a mistake and everything is just awkward. I hated Jr. High.

-AND girls. Girls can be so mean. I'd like Mady to only have the best girlfriends... who never talk behind each other's backs and who don't try to look better than each other. (Do those girls exist? Even now, I find myself competing with other women. Not only that, but I try to make sure Mady has the best outfit at story time...that's right, I'm using my 10 month old to make me look good in front of the other moms...what is wrong with me? I guess I need to work on this one before Mady gets old enough to learn from my example! She does have the best outfits though.)

-AND boys...they are always up to no good.

-AND homework...really, who needs it? Work is for work and home is for home. Never the two shall (should) meet.

-AND 8am college classes. Dumb idea. Nothing in college should happen before 10:30am. None of this, 'preparation for the real world' crap...SLEEP IN! Its your last chance until you're retired...

So far its a short list...oh there is more...but I think I'll save it for a later blog.